Save It For The Bedroom
by Arisadonna
Summary: Sex is never just sex. And with people like Peony and Jade, that should have been self explanatory from the beginning. That's right--it's comedy too. // P&J Drabble Collection.


I haven't written anything in a while, but being inspired by the themes in the centi_porn community in LiveJournal, I decided to use the themes to make the fifteen 100-word drabbles relating to Jade and Peony. These drabbles aren't necessarily related to each other, but at the same time, they could just as easily be connected. It's all up to you really. Enjoy~!

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**--SAVE IT FOR THE BEDROOM**

_you love, i love you too, below the waist i'll start charging you,  
cause that's just how the players play the game_

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**  
01:BALANCE--**

Peony had always been taught there was a fine line between business and pleasure--it set a natural balance in the world to keep people productive, as well as satisfied. No one had ever mentioned to him the idea of blending the two--_that_ was an idea of Peony's all of his own.

The emperor and the colonel groaned as they gave release. Of course, it wasn't until their fluids were splattered over the treaty papers on the desk that they realized they might have picked a bad location.

"And then you wonder why you're always getting involved in wars."

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**02:AWARE--**

He was already thirty years of age and still, no one could explain the baggy pants. For an emperor, he didn't dress much for the part; in any other areas of the world were no one was familiar with his image, he could have easily been mistaken for a bum.

There was no convincing him of getting a new attire. Oh _no_--no one would dare consider suggesting so to his majesty. After so long, it was just something his advisors had given up on and even stopped becoming aware of.

Besides--how else would he conceal the usual colonel-caused hard-on?

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**03:WAIT--**

Five; ten; twenty--so long ago he had already lost count. Years of waiting for when the man he served under so faithfully would realize there could be no other match; none other than the two of them could fit together so well like puzzle pieces.

It wasn't the first time they saw each other naked, but it would be the first time their touches would go beyond a few slaps on the back.

It was time--finally, finally--

--but no amount of staring could make it rise.

Jade sighed.

Peony frowned.

"Don't worry. It could happen to _anyone._"

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**04:RHYTHM--**

It was one of the things Jade hated and loved about his emperor--his unpredictability.

No one knew Peony better than Jade. Anyone understood this obvious fact. But no matter how much he knew him, Jade could never foretell the man's next move.

It was one thing in terms of his leadership abilities and foreign affairs, but it did become an aggravation in the bedroom.

With sex comes a sense of rhythm, Jade knew. But this, Peony had none of. His thrusts came without even intervals and at no expected moment.

"Your majesty, the King of Kimlasca has arrived to--ah!"

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**05:SHIFT--**

With Peony's back pains came Jade's satisfaction.

These occasional instances called for a shift in routine--after all, the doctor would constantly suggest that the emperor not involve himself in intense physical activity under his conditions.

So it was during these times that Jade would earn the top seat; he would finally achieve his desired sense of control; he'd be the one steering the ride--and Peony could do nothing but take it.

Of course, with every spring, comes winter, and Peony would eventually recover from his pains.

And immediately, Jade would be back in his fated position under his precious emperor.

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**06:TRANSPARENT--**

"Forgive me for questioning, your majesty, but--you're _removing_ my shower door?"

"Not removing. _Replacing_."

This, Peony said with pride and satisfaction. Who wanted a obscure glass door when you could have a clear, transparent one? Well--no one really cared much--but the emperor had his concerns.

"Jade, my eyesight may be as clear as an eagle's compared with yours, but it's still impossible to see anything more than your silhouette from where I'm standing. Think about _my_ perspective here--"

If only the rest of Malkuth knew of their emperor's perverted, stalker ways.

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**07:REFLECTION--**

"I'm not sleeping with you anymore."

"B-but, Jade--!"

The colonel decided that he needed to stop the servants from providing Peony with advice. Whoever advised the emperor the wise idea of installing a mirror on the ceiling above his bed was about to face the unwanted wrath of the necromancer.

He didn't think much of it at first, but soon discovered seeing your own reflection during sex was _really_ uncomfortable. And if he had known he looked that embarrassing in his positions, he wouldn't have agreed to ever let Peony top.

Until the mirror was gone--his majesty wasn't getting any.

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**08:CRAVE--**

Peony had many odd, unexplainable habits in relation to sex, but nothing was quite as odd as his afterglow cravings for oranges.

Jade didn't understand. It wasn't seductive or sexual. It was an _orange_ for Lorelei's sake. Perhaps strawberries or even bananas would suffice, but oranges?

Eventually he saw himself as the orange--Peony _did_ peel away the skin in almost the same manner that he removed his partner's clothing. Was he just as unsexy and unattractive?

But when Peony bit and sucked on the juices of the bright fruit, Jade just grinned and thought about it no further.

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**09:FLEETING--**

During wartime, the castle halls were always filled with activity and rush. No one had time to stop and converse with anyone else.

Jade wouldn't admit it, but it disappointed him not to be able to see enough of Peony.

But his discomfort would be washed away in that occasional fleeting moment when they passed one another in the main hall where the blond one would swiftly give his lover a kiss, in which none of the busy staff members would be focused enough to notice.

This was wartime, but tonight--when the battle was done--they would have their time.

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**10:CONSTANT--**

Jade had always been a professional colonel who knew what he needed to do and did it. There was nothing but battles--anything else would be distractions and unimportant matters.

Things changed when he became involved with Peony.

Thoughts of him became constant with each day on the field. The more he thought of the spirited blond, the more uncomfortable he felt--and the more he wanted Peony's comfort.

But when time came for his return to Grand Chokmah, his emperor would smile with open arms and say, "Welcome home".

And that night, in his lover's arms, he knew he was home.

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**11:FATE--**

Jade knew that fate--or rather, the _score_--had already determined that he and Peony weren't meant to be.

He was an emperor and even if he continued to delay the arrangements, he would eventually marry and bare an heir to the throne. That was something Jade couldn't provide for obvious reasons.

But reminding him of this did nothing--his majesty would sigh, wrapping his arm around Jade's stomach tighter and mutter, "Shut up, Jade. You're stuck with me. Get over it."

Under the man's arms, Jade couldn't get up from the bed; to be honest--he wouldn't want to even if he could.

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**12:AGAIN--**

He said--again and again and again.

"I don't love you."

As if he didn't hear the words, Peony pressed his hands against Jade's cheeks and moved his face closer.

"I don't love you."

The words were softer this time and despite his resistance, Jade closed his eyes. Peony's lips met his brow and traced down the side of his face, slowly caressing his cheek with his mouth.

"I don't love you."

A whisper, as Peony touched Jade's nose with his lips, teasing with his breaths. Jade inched closer.

"I don't love you."

And he kissed him--again and again and again.

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**13:FEW--**

Peony loved Jade--he did. But from the top of his head, he could probably only name a few things he loved _about_ him. However, there would always be--

"Your legs."

Jade sighed. Peony rested naked across the bed, slowly tracing a finger up and down the colonel's bare skin. Jade set his book down to push the blond away with his foot.

"Now, now, your majesty. No need to flatter."

"Seriously, Jade. You have a female's legs. I love your legs."

Unfortunately, Jade's smirk and toss of his book to the emperor's head was never included in the list.

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**14:VERTIGO--**

The emperor's presence always caused a funny feeling for Jade--a feeling he refused to call love.

It was a sort of dizzy feeling, as though he was standing in place as the walls around him revolved around him as though he was the sun. He felt enclosed--trapped.

It wasn't healthy and certainly not anything good. If love really was this supposed good feeling, he couldn't possibly be feeling love.

At night, once their usual deeds were done, the feeling would disappear.

Explaining his situation to his partner one night, Peony laughed. "Not love, Jade. You can call it--_sexual frustration_."

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**15:INVERSE--**

Sex was a way of transformation. All those witty comments and sense of pride Jade kept up in the real world would vanish once in the bedroom.

His mind and soul became inverted. Peony recreated him--he reinvented him, making him feel so light as though every magical and powerful feeling became absorbed in his own body.

He couldn't hide his heavy breathing with Peony's thrusts. He melted, tightening the grip on his lover's shoulders, as the heat in the room increased the beads of sweat on his skin.

Only Peony could give him this enchanted feeling--only Peony.

**--END.**


End file.
